Im Opting Out of Mommy Guilt

I’m Opting Out of Mommy Guilt

… And Guilt in General

Maybe it’s a cultural thing, being Canadian and apologetic or regretful, if you haven’t heard jokes to that effect you really haven’t lived… but it’s been kind of a problem for me.

Something I immediately noticed when I became a Mom was the term ‘Mom Guilt’ dun dun dun… and to be truthful I dove head first in to major guilt with having to supplement my son with formula (you can read about that here) and it took me almost the first year of his life to get past it. That guilt took away from a lot of joy I was feeling, and let me tell you it was just the first of just so many things to beat myself up about.

Love Yourself!

So I’ve decided to stop. Just like that. Who has time for guilt? Before you know it, you could be beneath a huge mountain of guilt & the guilt can turn to anxiety, fear of doing anything in case you do it “wrong” and it can kind of incapacitate you. Blah. No thank you. Not that anything is quite that simple when it comes to changing the way you think, but once I came to the realization that I was sick and tired of feeling badly about so many little things, I knew something needed to shift in the way I was thinking.

I am not saying that if something big and life altering happened I wouldn’t feel bad, I’ve just tried to shift my thinking  about the “little things”, and if I do feel bad about something, I have been making a concerted effort to change it. My son fell going up the stairs on the slide at swimming lessons, it was 100% my fault for not helping him all the way up and I felt awful, but he was okay so rather than dwelling on how badly I felt, I will just make sure to not put him or me in the position for it to happen again.

Don't look back

This seems to be such a common thing, for Mom’s especially – and I was doing it all the time myself, standing around talking about how bad we feel about so many things pertaining to our kids, and almost each and every thing discussed is something within our control to change. I was feeling guilty about all of the screen time our little guy got when he was sick a couple weeks ago, but now I see that as an option – 1) stop doing it or 2) accept that screen time is inevitable and let it go. Feeling bad about unhealthy food options for you or your kiddos? Same thing, either make a change or let it go because there is no point beating yourself up over something you aren’t willing to change, in fact feeling badly about it for me only causes me to eat even more unhealthy foods – it is a weird negative cycle.

How about this one? I see it all. the. time. Moms feeling badly for having time to themselves, whether it’s a night out with friends or…  even, wait for it, a hair appointment. (I’m not saying this can’t apply to Dads too by the way) I know I am a much better Mom when I have had some time to do things I enjoy with people that I enjoy. This one was really hard for me for a long time even when I knew he was being left in great hands I would want to hurry back. That isn’t even about my son though, that’s some weird need to be needed that I know most people feel but guess what, your child is fine without you while you are gone (9 times out of 10), and will still love and need you just as much when you get home. I know for me, 5 minutes back in the door and he is whining and trying to climb my leg and I wonder what the rush was to get home ;)…

Little Monkey

So the moral of my little rant is to go easy on yourself, or make a change. For me it has been, and will be, a work in progress but I knew that I needed to make a change and work on focusing on the positive, the things I am good at both as a Mom and as just me, and I have felt a huge shift in my thinking and the way I feel about myself.

I would love if you would comment below about some of things in life you have let go of, or are changing whether it is a parenting thing or just life thing!

HouseBox Review - A great Subscription Box

House Box: A Subscription Box I Could Get In To!

House Box: A great solution for Canadian Homes!

I don’t know if you have noticed the trend but subscription boxes are big right now & I totally understand why. However, up until this point I hadn’t seen one that I thought I would really want to commit to that wouldn’t just add to the clutter of my closet, my desk, my house…

House Box is different & such a great idea, I absolutely love that the focus is household products, the products are mostly consumable and therefore because you will use them up, they won’t add clutter! I love this quote from the website and couldn’t put it better myself:

“We wanted to provide a service to customers who care about having safe, natural and lovely products in their home, and to companies who have not yet reached all Canadians with their product offerings.”

It’s a beautiful plan, matching Canadians up with unique products, and matching up these lesser known companies with their potential customers, seems like the perfect match to me! I think most people in general and definitely parents do not always take the time to find products that they absolutely love, and will keep using what they have always used just because it is easier, so this is a great way to discover those products you love without having to do the searching, House Box has done it for you!

I have felt the need for a while, I think since becoming a Mom, to at least try to remove unnecessary chemicals from our home so I especially love that the products in the box are natural and safe. I think a lot of people are making a shift in this direction if they aren’t already there, and House Box could definitely help introduce me to the products that I want to have more of in our home!

Here’s what was in December’s Box:

Essential 8 Organic All Purpose Cleaner:

This cleaner not only smells great but works really well & I don’t have to worry about where I use it because it is safe on all different surfaces and it is non toxic and not dangerous for my little guy.

HouseBox Review - Essential 8 Organic All Purpose Cleaner

Lunatec Odour Free Dishcloth:

This cloth is amazing, I conveniently had a pan leftover from last night’s appy supper that had baked on debris and it worked super well to scrub it off – great find! A huge bonus too is that it is odour free, I have been have a tough time with stinky cloths until I remembered the old trick of microwaving the damp cloth for a couple minutes to kill the stinky stuff! Either way I love that I won’t even have that issue with this cloth!

House Box Review - Lunatec Odour Free Dishcloth

Tupperware Citrus Peeler:

Did anyone else grow up with these? I love love love them and was so super excited to find one in my House Box! (more…)

Why I am NOT Hibernating this December

So it’s December! How in the world did that happen? The last two months have been a complete blur, I think I have my baby (okay fine, he’s pretty much a toddler but I just can’t bring myself to say it yet) and my other baby – this blog to thank for that swift flight of time. There’s something that I tend to do at the beginning of December, and it has nothing and everything to do with the upcoming Christmas festivities. And winter. And Bears. I pretty much start preparing my body as if I am going to be hibernating, at whatever stage I am at with my fitness (or most often lack of), I pretty much just let it all go and figure that I will deal with it once it is all over in January which needless to say is not a great route. I always feel like a blob by January. So gross, and feeling guilty because I haven’t been taking care of myself and then it just takes that much longer to get motivated, the worse it is the longer it takes etc. etc. – you get the picture…

So I mentioned a few posts back that I had run a 5km fun run and it wasn’t as bad as I thought so I wanted to do a little more running. Well that was about two and a half weeks ago and although I’ve been for a few walks and have done one Barre workout via YouTube (if you haven’t heard of those they are pretty awesome and intense and not too loud if you have a sleeping little one you don’t want to alarm with a bunch of jumping around). No runs. Not that running is the be all end all of my fitness but it is such a good release!

I dragged myself out for a run tonight, checked the time and told myself I couldn’t go home for at least 20 minutes. It was pouring rain, cold, windy, dark, I was by myself – all of my least ideal scenarios when it comes to a run. Pretty much all of the excuses I usually use to talk myself out of a run. I considered finding a video on youtube, or sitting and writing a blog post but instead I put on bright turquoise pants and a neon pink jacket (that doesn’t currently zip without looking ridiculous thanks to not enough runs and too many chocolate breaks), and got my booty out that door. (more…)

A Few Small Tips on Dealing with Big Change

Sometimes life just coasts along, some things change but they are small and hardly noticed and don’t seem to disrupt a thing. Things are comfortable, safe and predictable like a well broken in pair of jeans BUT sometimes a slightly less comfy new pair of jeans gives you some extra swagger in your step and THAT is what I am trying to remember.

Aside from the small detail of becoming parents our life for the past couple of years has been chugging along smoothly, my hubby with a decent and steady job at a local mill (the reason we relocated here), me enjoying my year of mat leave and expecting to return to work full time (a bit begrudgingly of course), we bought a house, upgraded a vehicle and were relatively comfortable with most aspects of our life.

Then all of a sudden … SO. MUCH. CHANGE.

The hubby gets a lay-off notice.

I am told my position at the bank has been eliminated but they will probably have something for me at one of the two branches on the coast… Or they will have a severance package for me. Nbd.

My chronic procrastinator self actually starts looking for childcare and realizes there might be one option that will take our little guy and by the time we pay childcare more of my income will be going to that than I will bring home… I had been assuming that I would just simply go back to work and even though the thought of being away from our son broke my heart I was kind of just thinking that was the only option. Eyes. Opened.

Change is stressful, even good change. But it is also so good to shake things up sometimes and that is what I have learned in the past few months as we have navigated all of this (and still are navigating). We are fortunate that my husband has a trade and is taking the leap to self-employment. He just finished his first week working for himself and although that comes with its own set of headaches I think it will be more fulfilling In the long run. I am going back to work just two days each week and then providing a bit of childcare myself, as well as blogging!

So in short we have a lot of learning, adjusting, moving on and scheduling to do. Some days I forgot we even had anything to worry about but then some nights I couldn’t sleep because I was going over all the “what ifs” in my mind. Over and over. And over.

Here are a few things that helped and is helping me keep my head:

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